I live in Manhattan. I can see the Empire State Building from my window every night... What color it is that night.
Ahhh... but don't fool yourself.... I live in projects. Hell, I pay less in the BEST part of the city and everyone. Hell, they are fooled. I tell them and they think I've got money....
Sure ... I have roommates.
Only lonely often. This is a stepping stone.
I have not posted lately ...... Well read on....
I went on a job interview today and know what they told me? I'm OVER QUALIFIED.
Great. I know I'm awesome. But someone help me shit. ha ha....
Ya gotta laugh or you'll cry or kill yourself or someone right?
Man Hope is SOOOOO hard to hold onto.
How many of you have family?
Know that if everything fails I mean EVERYTHING.... you have somewhere to go? No matter what age? Well.... I'm an adult. I have to do this on my own. They love me. But mine is small.... (family that is) and they worry. I can't worry them more.
It was my choice. I moved to a city of struggle. A city that where the amazing means you have to more amazing than the other one.
I refuse to believe I won't make it. That's just not me damn it! But it's getting fucking hard.
I'm sooooo broke..... I took toilet paper from a bar so I'd have some.
Can you conceive of that? Bet you think I'm sad? I don't care.
I ate popcorn and tuna the other night for dinner. Meanwhile going out dressed vintage impeccable.
But isn't that what it's about? Shit, My Idol Patti Smith did it....... In fact Patti told me and I quote (As I met her.... Nothing will stop me when I want it)
"Don't be afraid to hurt"
Everyone who's larger than life did.... Bruce.... Patti.... anyone that wasn't handed shit..... I look up to them. It's what you make of it that makes the difference... OH BUT.....
DON'T FOOL YOURSELF! Any struggle is a blessing.... hold onto it.
Take those moments.... LET THEM MAKE YOU. HOLD ONTO THEM. DO SOMETHING.
They made them. It will make me.
We all pay our dues. Some of us have chosen to be crucified
To soar like angels.
I'll make it. I have to. I have no choice. Patti had no choice.
You know, I meet people all the time that are amazing. They enrich me. Weirdos.... Dregs.... I like them most.....
But I can't tell my family. I don't want to worry them.... I want that one phone call one day to be "Hey ma.... Hey sis.... I'm good. Not just good... fuck I'm amazing"
I know I'm amazing right this moment. But that's not enough. Destiny... The universe.... God.... had told me "Alex.... Your mission is not over... and DAMN I'm gonna make it hard for you!!!! Cause you are not like the others. If you waste it, you WILL suffer more than you do now"
I dunno how to explain it but I know that. Every day I want to surrender .... Everyday I want to turn back and have my old world. But that's a mistake.... a cop out.
Ever feel like you're cheating yourself and do it anyway ... it's inside............
Most ignore it. Cause it's too hard. And God has mercy on them. Because he ALLOWS THEM to just do it. I'm not allowed. It's so frustrating. Everyday I want to backtrack.
But God gave me RED BOWS on my shoes.
I have no choice.
Follow me. TIE RED BOWS ON YOUR SHOES. It's a hard walk but I assure you.... You may walk alone... But that walk will be so rewarding. Red bows tattered and torn and grey at the end but I assure you... No matter what walk of life.... grab your bows... have courage... You won't walk alone..... walk with us......
Cause when it unfolds and your feet are tired they'll be a seat. You'll be amazed at comforting a seat. I don't mean steal toilet paper or eat tuna.... but find your RED BOW somehow and tie it to your show and FUCKING WALK WALK WALK... I know you'll get tired... I urge you... DON'T STOP ..... If I don't find you someone will but don't stop walking. A seat awaits.
4 comments:
Encouraging words... thanks. I'm broke, too, lately, with clients who don't / won't pay their bills... makes it hard to pay mine. You are so right, though. Can't turn back, can't stop, just have to keep walking and know that it will come out ok in the end.
God's Help!
There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man.
He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.
A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, "It's alright! The Lord will save me!"
So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted, "No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!" and, once again, the boat sped off.
The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, "I don't need saving! My Lord will come"
Reluctantly, the helicopter left.
The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.
At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, "Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord not rescue me?"
St. Peter replied, "For pity sake! He sent you two helicopters and a boat!"
Sometimes you need to look at the signs.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Keep moving. Keep interacting. You can be in a room with a hundred people and be alone if you don't let them touch you. What is worse - being hurt again or being so afraid of being hurt you refuse to live? You will make the right decision because you are strong and a survivor. Keep walking.
You'll make it miss Alex. I'm expecting only good things for you.
Post a Comment